i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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