i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
