who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
