I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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