i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
