you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she peed on how many people?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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