We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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