she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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