I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
sex in a hospital.. check
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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