6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
