1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
