I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
