Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
