i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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