FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
