I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
