Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
