thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
