I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
