What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
