guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize