I feel like abortions should bother me more
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
