All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
