well I can't set my house on fire every night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
