I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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