Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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