I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize