And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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