I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
how does that bad decision feel?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
