it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
