I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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