NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
