hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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