she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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