Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
