Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
