So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
