this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
