my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
