Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
