Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
