all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize