I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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