After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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