I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
