Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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