I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
