Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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