Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
