you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
