sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
